A REALLY Bad Dream
by Jaxalie
Summary: Charlie is a man with a dream, a horrifying dream filled with rappers and phone calls and music... Can he escape the horrors? Humor. Charlie POV. Featuring Lady Gaga... R&R appreciated. Just a bit of fun.


The music pounded 'bam bam bam' to some beat that I, Charlie Swan, have absolutely no appreciation for! I tell ya, music nowadays, all you hear is swearing, loud bass and a lot of nonsense about having sex and smacking up hoes. Nothing substantial ever plays anymore, what happened to the days of real music? Sounds from the likes of Bon Jovi or Michael Jackson?

Nothing bugs me more than bad music at a party, so why I found myself dancing at this godforsaken shindig with Beer in hand and all my best moves out on the dance-floor, I would never know. Maybe it was the mixture of Beer and Smoke from the bonfire, or maybe it was just one of those moments when you just have to dance, either way I was stood on the dance-floor, a group of onlookers all around me and I was dancing to one of the newest tracks out.

I popped and locked, I spun and moon-walked and various other classic moves to the song that played loudly from the DJ booth, while, awestruck no doubt, Seth Clearwater and his mother Sue stood at the forefront of the crowd here at La Push, while myself, with the assistance of Billy, danced the night away, working up the crowd showing our skills on the dance floor.

The female vocal rang out loud and clear as we time-warped and monkey-ed our hearts out, both of us ignoring the modern sound and getting lost in the beat. You wouldn't think it, but neither of us were particularly fond of the song, and yet we danced like pros as the words went on.

"_St__op callin', stop callin'; I don't wanna think anymore!; I left my head and my heart on the dance-floor__  
><em>_Stop callin'', stop callin; I don't wanna talk anymore!; I left my head and my heart on the dance-floor"_

Beside me Billy popped a wheely and chacha-ed in his seat while I attempted to do the jive with my hands that I simply kicked behind with. As I danced on and on the words began to resound in my head, spurring on a memory, a distant and long forgotten period in my time, much darker than now and by far not something I wanted to remember…

…

I heard the machine beep again, not something I was looking forward to after a long day at work, I sighed and pressed the button to listen to the message that was no doubt about to bring down my entire day in the space of a few sentences. I had time to grab a beer before the message began to play, popping it open and settling down in my chair, Renée's voice rang out loud and clear

"Hey Charlie… it's me… Renée again… You didn't call me back after last-night, and I just wondered if you had got my message about the lawyers? They should be around on Saturday at six with the papers… Bella misses you… h-how are you? No wait that's a stupid thing to ask… especially to a machine… I guess I just wondered how you were… I…."

The message hung up then making me swallow down the pain that her voice seemed to bring, this was the third message this week she had left me, the same words always the same words, only more desperate each turn. I sipped my beer and tried to stem the pain that shot through me. It was over. Each time she called it confirmed it… I didn't want it to be over, I didn't want to think about it anymore…

…

I danced on and on with Billy at my side, the words ringing loud and clear in my head, the memory fading from my mind…

"_Can call all you want but there's no one home and you're not gonna reach my telephone!__  
><em>_'Cause I'm out in the club and I'm sippin' that bub' and you're not gonna reach my telephone…"_

I switched my move to the hammer dance followed by an expert pelvic thrust if I did say so myself, on my other side Billy spun in place with his chair and like a train wreck, the crowd around us could not stop watching us do our work, I could vaguely see young Seth shaking his head and looking horrified my way while his mother seemed to be laughing harder than I had seen in a long while, beside her Liseli looked about as amused with her eyes trailed only on Billy.

I could imagine Bella's face then, seeing her old man and his skills and I knew she would be proud, seeing her dad killing it on the dance-floor… the thought of Bella brought on a new wave of worry, I hadn't seen her and Nessie in a while and I was overcome with the urge to call them then, knowing that I did not like the looks of those Cullen boys, especially that Emmett fellow around my girls…

I picked up my cell and dialed while Billy continued to proceed doing the cancan sitting down like Dr Scott from Rocky Horror… I waited a few moments before the dreaded message came. I cussed and dialed again to get the same message over and over…

"_We're sorry; the number you have reached is not in service at this time  
>Please check the number, or try your call again…"<em>

I gave my phone to the giant fish Billy had in his lap and turned round just in time to see Seth Clearwater and his friend Embry spiking the punch with Coca-Cola and Jacob Black looking at me with a Cheshire-cat grin before disappearing into thin air and leaving behind a small pug in a black and white suit with his own glasses.

"What the heck are YOU staring at Charlie?" he asked before cocking his leg on the nearest bystander while I looked down to find myself dressed in only Bella's old TuTu…

…

BEEP BEEP BEEP!

I woke with a start, my alarm going off loudly beside me, taking a moment to process what had just happened, I realized with some relief that it was just a dream, a very very bad dream. I pulled the covers aside and moved to stand up, completely happy to get ready for work. Flipping on the radio I moved towards the bathroom…

"And next up we have, Lady GaGa and Beyonce with their hit Telephone!"

I spun round and ran back into the room when the music began to play, the same familiar beat, diving over the bed I reached over and slammed off the radio, making a vow never to listen to the crap that passes for music nowadays….

Kids I tell you.


End file.
